David Cameron yesterday took to Twitter to outline a government scheme to instil 'rugby values' in football players. The scheme would involve weekly classes for state school pupils and young offenders.
The Prime Minister has on several occasions in the past commented on the disparity in attitude between the two sports, and the need to instil greater discipline, respect for authority and patriotic pride in association football.
Highlights of the scheme include: cavity searches, biting and punching workshops, traditional fagging techniques, forfeit drinking rituals, chest puffing during the national anthem, aggressively erotic shower behaviour, and compulsory cross-country yomps for children who fail to wear a remembrance poppy.
Prominent celebrity opponents of the proposed scheme include Charlotte Church, Frankie Boyle and Russell Brand. Among other things, they are unhappy that the proposal is said to have been drafted by the Prince of Charles, controversially described by Boyle as "unelected".
Cameron hit back at his critics in a tweet, accusing them of being "ISIS apologists who should bugger off to Cuba if they don't like it here."
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