Former England striker and TV presenter Gary Lineker has had his England goal tally expunged by the FA, following comments he made last week.
Lineker had called for compassion from the British public over its treatment of and attitude towards unaccompanied child refugees. However, his stance was poorly received by both the FA and the government, who released a joint press statement denouncing the ex-Grampus Eight forward as "unpatriotic", and confirming that they have decided to erase his 48 goals for England from the official record. The goals will instead be attributed to FA president HRH the Prince of William.
The news was welcomed by former British tennis legend Sir Buster Mottram, who told frightened passersby that it represented "an important victory for the indigenous clansmen of Albion against the Muslim apologists on Match of the Day."
Meanwhile, non-league Cathedral City have become the first club to bar asylum seekers from their staff. Club chairman Trevor Lunk says that so far two players have been dismissed: one because he was an orphan whose parents might have come from any old place, and the other because he was born in Scotland, and they weren't one hundred percent sure whether that counted as England or not.
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