A football match has been hastily arranged to coincide with the US election results.
The game will be held at Cliftonhill, home to Albion Rovers, with the kick-off scheduled for 4AM Wednesday morning, when the election result is expected to be announced. In the event of a recount, the referee has been instructed to indefinitely prolong injury time.
An All-Star 11 will square off against a volunteer team operating on a first-come, first-served basis. Ron Atkinson has been named as manager, while players include former legends Bruce Grobelaar, Carlton Palmer, Chopper Harris, Rivaldo (who will perform his face-clutching routine at half-time), David Bentley and Henrikh Mkhitaryan.
The event is being arranged by charity organisation Samaritans in the light of concerns about a widespread epidemic of depression at the prospect of victory for either American candidate and the effects it will have on the rest of the world.
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