The British government has appealed to the UN, requesting a total ban on fantasy football sites after it emerged that the popular online game is being used to convey tactical messages between pro-Syrian government forces.
MI6 officers discovered that certain fantasy formations are used as code to send messages in order to coordinate movements around Islamist insurgent-held East Aleppo.
They noticed that an attacking formation of Aguero, Lukaku and Costa was followed several times by heavy air bombardment, whereas a forward line of Janssen and Rooney appeared to indicate a ceasefire. Worsening weather conditions were communicated by making a Man Utd player captain.
Prime Minister Theresa May yesterday pledged to cut public spending on disabled pensioners in order to establish an emergency fund for improving Islamist rebels' knowledge of Premier League football. She warned that otherwise the war would be over far too soon.
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