Arsenal have left Theo Walcott behind in California after finshing their pre-season tour of the USA.
Details are sketchy, but it is understood the 27 year-old striker was deliberately given the wrong flight information after attempts to offload him this summer appear to have failed.
A spokesman for the club said he was unaware of Walcott's whereabouts, but they would give it a few weeks before involving the police.
Arsenal have been linked with a move for Riyad Mahrez and Lyon forward Alexandre Lacazette, but so far their only signings of the summer have been San Marino playmaker Antonio Pecorino and a groundsman's assistant named Bob.
footballs today
Saturday 30 July 2016
Thursday 28 July 2016
Pogba in shock move to Tigers
Manchester Utd target Paul Pogba has sensationally defied the pundits by taking on the vacant manager's position at Hull City.
The Juventus midfielder, valued at a record-breaking €120, told shocked reporters he was fed up with kicking a ball around for a living, and that he had always fancied managing a team close to the seaside.
Former Hull manager and ex-United legend Steve Bruce has said he is available for Jose Mourinho's team at a fraction of Pogba's wages, as long as he can negotiate a less intensive training regime, since he is no longer the spring chicken he was.
More details to follow.
The Juventus midfielder, valued at a record-breaking €120, told shocked reporters he was fed up with kicking a ball around for a living, and that he had always fancied managing a team close to the seaside.
Former Hull manager and ex-United legend Steve Bruce has said he is available for Jose Mourinho's team at a fraction of Pogba's wages, as long as he can negotiate a less intensive training regime, since he is no longer the spring chicken he was.
More details to follow.
Tuesday 19 July 2016
Olympic soccer does not exist, say experts
The future of football at the Olympic Games was yesterday plunged into doubt after allegations were made that it is nothing but an elaborate hoax.
With a mere fortnight to go before the first men's match is due to be played at the Rio Olympics, over 100 senior media analysts have signed an open letter calling for hard evidence to quash the suspicion that men's football has never actually taken place at the Olympics.
The signatories allege that Olympic football is merely a scam by the IOC in collusion with FIFA, orchestrated to justify travel expenses; the letter goes on to point out that since nobody has ever bothered to watch a single game of Olympic football, the onus is on the IOC to disprove the allegations.
A spokesman for the IOC told Footballs Today he was too hot to comment, but that he would respond to questions after he'd had a nap.
With a mere fortnight to go before the first men's match is due to be played at the Rio Olympics, over 100 senior media analysts have signed an open letter calling for hard evidence to quash the suspicion that men's football has never actually taken place at the Olympics.
The signatories allege that Olympic football is merely a scam by the IOC in collusion with FIFA, orchestrated to justify travel expenses; the letter goes on to point out that since nobody has ever bothered to watch a single game of Olympic football, the onus is on the IOC to disprove the allegations.
A spokesman for the IOC told Footballs Today he was too hot to comment, but that he would respond to questions after he'd had a nap.
Mour to park nuclear bus
Concerned staff at Manchester United have spoken to the press about alarming secret plans by new manager Jose Mourinho.
The unnamed whistleblowers told assembled reporters at Manchester Piccadilly bus station that the temperamental Portuguese supremo intends to implement a nuclear deterrent in defence, inspired by parliament's vote last night to renew Trident nuclear submarines at an estimated cost to the nation of 205 billion pounds.
Members of the club's training staff supposedly met representatives of BAE Systems in order to discuss how to employ the so-called nuclear shield, capable of detecting a strike on goal from deep within the opposition's half.
A direct attack on goal would trigger an explosion large enough to reduce Greater Manchester to a crater, while the ensuing radiation would directly affect most of the UK for many generations to come.
Mourinho is said to have lost faith in goalkeeper David De Gea after his nervous performance against Croatia at Euro 2016.
Critics, including ex-CND chairman Bruce Kent and singer Charlotte Church, have slammed the plans as irresponsible and dangerous. However, football pundit and former cheat Robbie Savage leapt to Mourinho's defence, calling it "undoubtedly effective", before going on to tip the club to win the league.
The unnamed whistleblowers told assembled reporters at Manchester Piccadilly bus station that the temperamental Portuguese supremo intends to implement a nuclear deterrent in defence, inspired by parliament's vote last night to renew Trident nuclear submarines at an estimated cost to the nation of 205 billion pounds.
Members of the club's training staff supposedly met representatives of BAE Systems in order to discuss how to employ the so-called nuclear shield, capable of detecting a strike on goal from deep within the opposition's half.
A direct attack on goal would trigger an explosion large enough to reduce Greater Manchester to a crater, while the ensuing radiation would directly affect most of the UK for many generations to come.
Mourinho is said to have lost faith in goalkeeper David De Gea after his nervous performance against Croatia at Euro 2016.
Critics, including ex-CND chairman Bruce Kent and singer Charlotte Church, have slammed the plans as irresponsible and dangerous. However, football pundit and former cheat Robbie Savage leapt to Mourinho's defence, calling it "undoubtedly effective", before going on to tip the club to win the league.
Tuesday 12 July 2016
Pards wants legs
The FA has had to call in lawyers to determine whether conjoined 'Siamese' twins can be considered a single player after Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew's attempted signing of twins Dale and Denise Dooley.
Lawyers for the club have argued that since the pair cannot be separated by the referee nor sent off individually, they must be recognised as one player.
The Eagles manager is said to be keen to sign the Dooleys as it would add an "extra pair of legs in midfield".
Lawyers for the club have argued that since the pair cannot be separated by the referee nor sent off individually, they must be recognised as one player.
The Eagles manager is said to be keen to sign the Dooleys as it would add an "extra pair of legs in midfield".
Monday 11 July 2016
Time called on penalty shootouts
The internet was abuzz last night with calls to change the format of knockout football competitions, after Portugal were crowned European champions despite winning only one match in regular 90 minutes' play.
Many voices within the world of football feel that inferior teams are increasingly relying on reaching penalty shootouts. Past experiments such as the so-called golden and silver goal were scrapped after it was deemed that teams played even more conservatively for fear of suddenly losing.
Proposed changes include:
- Lead goal: play continues indefinitely until a goal is scored; players may not receive water nor treatment for cramp. In extreme cases the goalkeepers would be the only remaining players.
- Air play: extra time is played as 'headers and volleys', whereby the ball cannot touch the ground. This would give an advantage to the more skilful side.
- Indirect free kick shootout: more tactical than penalties, thereby rewarding better football.
The major international football federations are expected to liaise on the issue over a series of sumptuous dinners, which may take some time.
Many voices within the world of football feel that inferior teams are increasingly relying on reaching penalty shootouts. Past experiments such as the so-called golden and silver goal were scrapped after it was deemed that teams played even more conservatively for fear of suddenly losing.
Proposed changes include:
- Lead goal: play continues indefinitely until a goal is scored; players may not receive water nor treatment for cramp. In extreme cases the goalkeepers would be the only remaining players.
- Air play: extra time is played as 'headers and volleys', whereby the ball cannot touch the ground. This would give an advantage to the more skilful side.
- Indirect free kick shootout: more tactical than penalties, thereby rewarding better football.
The major international football federations are expected to liaise on the issue over a series of sumptuous dinners, which may take some time.
Sunday 3 July 2016
Somme guys have all the luck
A special commemorative football match is being prepared to mark the 100th anniversary of the Battle of the Somme during the First World War.
A British/ French XI will line up against a German XI in a field by the banks of the Somme and play a symbolic match before assembled reporters and dignitaries, including David Pleat, HRH the Prince of Charles and his stepson Prince Harry.
Fashion designers Stella McCartney and Karl Lagerfeld have collaborated on vintage football strip designs that incorporate remembrance poppies alongside the logos of sponsors BAE Systems and ThyssenKrupp, whose predecessor companies were among the major beneficiaries of the conflict.
After the match, the teams will be shot by representatives of their respective military establishments in the spirit of needless slaughter - or freedom, as it has been rebranded.
A British/ French XI will line up against a German XI in a field by the banks of the Somme and play a symbolic match before assembled reporters and dignitaries, including David Pleat, HRH the Prince of Charles and his stepson Prince Harry.
Fashion designers Stella McCartney and Karl Lagerfeld have collaborated on vintage football strip designs that incorporate remembrance poppies alongside the logos of sponsors BAE Systems and ThyssenKrupp, whose predecessor companies were among the major beneficiaries of the conflict.
After the match, the teams will be shot by representatives of their respective military establishments in the spirit of needless slaughter - or freedom, as it has been rebranded.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)