Fans can expect to see some extra special fancy footwork and artistic flourishes on the football pitch this year, after it was announced that the Turner Prize is open to footballers.
The prestigious art prize will now be accepting entries from the world of football, as long as they are deemed special enough to be considered visual art.
Among the footballers rumoured to be interested in the prize is Chelsea's Eden Hazard, who has been working on a 50-yard mid-air triple lutz back-heeler, which he hopes will make the shortlist; Theo Walcott's ongoing portrayal of alienation, displacement and wasted opportunity is also expected to garner praise from the Turner jury, which this year includes celebrity ponces such as Jarvis Cocker and Baron Bragg of Melvyn.
However, some art critics are unhappy: former prize nominee Sam Taylor-Wood described the decision to include footballers as a betrayal of the Turner's tradition of art based on blood, shit, piss, semen and vomit.
footballs today
Sunday 28 August 2016
Thursday 18 August 2016
Man Utd buy Burundi
Manchester United have signed the entire Football Federation of Burundi.
It is understood the club were interested in signing a couple of players from different teams in the country, but instead decided to circumvent bureaucracy by sending manager Jose Mourinho in person to make an offer to the president of Burundi for the lot. They settled for an undisclosed amount, believed to be in the five-figure region.
However, there has been strong criticism of United's arrangements for the Burundians, after it emerged that players and their families were being forced to bed down on the stands at Old Trafford, with little more than discarded sports drinks and energy bars for food.
A spokesman for the club said they were dealing with the housing situation; he also denied rumours that David De Gea's packed lunch caused a bomb alert resulting in the evacuation of the club's training ground on Tuesday.
It is understood the club were interested in signing a couple of players from different teams in the country, but instead decided to circumvent bureaucracy by sending manager Jose Mourinho in person to make an offer to the president of Burundi for the lot. They settled for an undisclosed amount, believed to be in the five-figure region.
However, there has been strong criticism of United's arrangements for the Burundians, after it emerged that players and their families were being forced to bed down on the stands at Old Trafford, with little more than discarded sports drinks and energy bars for food.
A spokesman for the club said they were dealing with the housing situation; he also denied rumours that David De Gea's packed lunch caused a bomb alert resulting in the evacuation of the club's training ground on Tuesday.
Monday 15 August 2016
Big Sam to reveal all
Inspired by Gary Lineker presenting Match of the Day this weekend in his pants - as he had promised to do should Leicester win the premier league title - new England boss Sam Allardyce has threatened to go one further by managing England in his pants during the World Cup finals in Russia, should England qualify.
His announcement prompted record complaints from viewers; a petition calling for Allardyce to back down had reached over 3 million last night. Police have advised people to keep calm and stay indoors, after rioting linked to Allardyce destroyed properties throughout England.
The news comes less than a week after it was revealed that tv football commentator Guy Mowbray had been commentating stark naked for two years, before a tea boy notified the police.
His announcement prompted record complaints from viewers; a petition calling for Allardyce to back down had reached over 3 million last night. Police have advised people to keep calm and stay indoors, after rioting linked to Allardyce destroyed properties throughout England.
The news comes less than a week after it was revealed that tv football commentator Guy Mowbray had been commentating stark naked for two years, before a tea boy notified the police.
Tuesday 9 August 2016
Di Matteo turns to Pokémon Go
New Aston Villa manager Roberto Di Matteo has reportedly struck a deal with Niantic, makers of Pokémon Go, in a bid to improve the club's meagre goal tally, which saw them relegated last season.
Pokémons will appear in the opposition box in order to encourage the Villa forwards to venture forward. It is understood special software has been installed to detect offside situations. Former Chelsea boss Di Matteo believes the motivation to hunt Pokémons outweighs the disadvantages of having players constantly look at their screens.
Prominent Villa supporter David Cameron expressed his support for the initiative, telling reporters he was "forever blowing bubbles".
Pokémons will appear in the opposition box in order to encourage the Villa forwards to venture forward. It is understood special software has been installed to detect offside situations. Former Chelsea boss Di Matteo believes the motivation to hunt Pokémons outweighs the disadvantages of having players constantly look at their screens.
Prominent Villa supporter David Cameron expressed his support for the initiative, telling reporters he was "forever blowing bubbles".
Wednesday 3 August 2016
Naked football by 2026, say climate boffins
Climate change experts have warned that global warming is likely to lead to nude football matches within a decade, since soaring temperatures will make it too hot to wear football strips.
The news has hit sports clothing manufacturers particularly badly: shares in Adidas and Puma dropped by 30 percent this morning.
However, a spokesman for FIFA told reporters that they were committed to maintaining football's status as a family game; should they be obliged go nude, games would be played in the dark to preserve players' modesty.
The news has hit sports clothing manufacturers particularly badly: shares in Adidas and Puma dropped by 30 percent this morning.
However, a spokesman for FIFA told reporters that they were committed to maintaining football's status as a family game; should they be obliged go nude, games would be played in the dark to preserve players' modesty.
Tuesday 2 August 2016
Pep and Jose vie for Manc credentials
New Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola has stunned the pundits by appointing well-known City fan Noel Gallagher as director of football.
The Blues boss is apparently eager to heal relations with the City fanbase after his reputation took a knock last week when it was revealed he had moved the club's training ground to Spain due to the miserable weather in Manchester.
The news comes just days after his United counterpart Jose Mourinho announced he was incorporating extra baggy shirts into this season's strip as a homage to the 'Madchester' scene of the late '80s.
However, the move may have backfired after hundreds of City fans voiced their disapproval of Gallagher's appointment via social media, with many wondering whether the former Oasis man's infamously rubbish guitar playing wasn't at odds with the sort of modern flair football expected of a Guardiola team.
The Blues boss is apparently eager to heal relations with the City fanbase after his reputation took a knock last week when it was revealed he had moved the club's training ground to Spain due to the miserable weather in Manchester.
The news comes just days after his United counterpart Jose Mourinho announced he was incorporating extra baggy shirts into this season's strip as a homage to the 'Madchester' scene of the late '80s.
However, the move may have backfired after hundreds of City fans voiced their disapproval of Gallagher's appointment via social media, with many wondering whether the former Oasis man's infamously rubbish guitar playing wasn't at odds with the sort of modern flair football expected of a Guardiola team.
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