footballs today

footballs today

Wednesday 28 September 2016

Big Sam faces fresh charges

Sacked England manager Sam Allardyce faces new allegations after a hoard of England football merchandise and sports equipment was discovered stockpiled at his home in Bolton.

Greater Manchester police received a tip-off that led them to the disgraced former Blackburn manager's house after an enormous amount of official FA merchandise was spotted being sold at a nearby pound shop. The police had earlier investigated a reported theft at the England training facilities, where thieves had stolen everything, including the goals. There is an unconfirmed report that the dismantled goalposts were found in Allardyce's back garden.

Police have also confiscated a sackful of scotch eggs and sausage rolls believed to have been taken from the FA canteen. However, it is understood that Allardyce has made "considerable inroads" into finishing them off and it is unsure exactly how much food has been left untouched.

More details to follow.

Sunday 25 September 2016

Chinese clubs step up Euro raid

Chinese football clubs are upping their bid to lure talent away from Europe to the Chinese Super League. Over the past few years many prominent players such as Graziano Pelle, Jackson Martinez and Ramires have been tempted away by the eye-watering wages on offer, higher than those of even the richest premiership clubs.

Now it has emerged that China is launching a new offensive by offering players and managers so-called 'personality deals', which could see some of the game's more colourful characters heading east:

Jose Mourinho has reportedly been offered a 20% pay rise on his current deal at Manchester United if he agrees to personally insult and pull the hair of rival managers, plus storm out of at least one major press conference; Joe Hart has received a similar offer as long as he meets the requirements of dropping one clanger per month and having millions of Chinamen laugh at him in the street every day; Diego Costa has been offered Chinese citizenship and the national team's captaincy if he agrees to wear a pantomime villain's mask and kick puppies and babies behind the referee's back.

While seen as a worrying development by most, former president of UEFA Michel Platini has urged European clubs to adopt a similar approach to the Chinese, telling reporters that he has a few ideas of his own if anyone is interested.


Monday 19 September 2016

Pep defies no smirking ban

Sensational footage has emerged of Man City boss Pep Guardiola smirking and looking secretly pleased with himself. The leaked CCTV images were uploaded to a City supporters website and appear to show Guardiola repeatedly smirking; later he is seen slapping his knees and holding his sides as he is joined by City assistant director of football Noel Gallagher.

Guardiola has denied that rival manager Jose Mourinho's woes were the source of his merriment, claiming instead that he was merely enjoying Noel's famously sardonic Manchester wit. That comment in itself, however, is likely to further anger Mourinho who will see it as a jibe aimed at him after his recent tattoo of Manchester comedy legend Bernard Manning drew ire both from anti-racist groups and United fans, who were quick to point out that Manning supported City.

Earlier in the week Mourinho was forced to apologise for snapping the pencil in half of a terminally ill orphan named Sammy who had asked for an autograph - Mourinho had initially claimed the child was an undercover agent working for Guardiola, and had told him to "eat shit".